April 2, 2011 in Thoughts | 16 comments (Edit)
Notwithstanding the snowstorm yesterday, April and Spring are here. It is a magical time of the year–of birth and rebirth. It is also a time when I contemplate what knitting has done for me as I celebrate my daughter Chloë’s birthday. She would be 27 today. It is hard to believe so much time has passed since her sweet little life began here on Earth. She was with us for 6 months before she died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), now better known as SUDS (Sudden Unexplained Death Syndrome), for it does extend to children older than infants, though more rare.
I don’t usually talk about Chloë because I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable, but the times I do, someone will come forward with their own story while thanking me for sharing this part of my life. I remember giving a talk to a guild one time and mentioning Chloë’s Dress, which I made as my grief work for her. Afterward, a young grief-stricken mother came up to tell me she had just lost her baby. It was so healing for both of us to share that moment.
Chloë's Dress
The yin and yang of life and death is present for all of us. We all have loss and joy in our lives. I am so comforted by my knitting to bring me through all the times–good and bad. It is always there, to keep my hands company. When Chloë’s dress was designed, I felt so strongly that this dress came through me, not from me. I cried while I knitted it, but when it was finished, a weight had lifted off me. This was a great gift to me, from Knitting.
We are all so very blessed to have this handwork, this self-expression that is healing, comforting, fun, practical, even outrageous at times! I think of the dear friends I now have and the places I have travelled because of knitting, and how I have developed as a person because of the challenges my knitting career has put on me. Before losing Chloë, I was pretty timid. After that, I knew that NOTHING in my life would be as terrible. That loss gave me the foundational strength and courage to dare to make a career of knitting, to even think that I had something to contribute to others through this medium. That was one of the great gifts from Chloë.
At the end of every day, I still miss her terribly. But I know I am rich in my life beyond measure for what she did for me.
Chloë
My favorite foundation for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is the CJ Foundation for SIDS at The Don-Imus-WFAN Pediatric Center, Hackensack University Medical Center, 30 Prospect Avenue, Hackensack, NJ 07601; www.cjsids.org
Chloë's Dress
Chloë
